winking-skeever: Is anyone else weirdly self-conscious about wiper blade speed? Like, I’m always afraid that I’ll have them set too fast for the amount of rain happening, and people will look at me and judge me like “lol omg bitch be tryin 2 hard”
katkinkat: YOU ARE ALL REAL PEOPLE HOLY SHIT
vantasly: but when did i start saying ‘yo’ unironically
if someone ever falls in love with me i will literally die of shock
anthonygherkins: when you see a map or a family tree at the front of a novel you know that shit is gonna get complicated
nyozeka: i hope my first child is a dragon
the-barricade-girl: oh sweet jesus oh sour jesus oh BBQ jesus oh cool ranch jesus oh doritos locos tacos jesus
Augustus Waters: "May I see you again?"
Hazel Grace: "Sure."
Augustus Waters: "Tomorrow?"
Hazel Grace: "Patience, grasshopper. You don't want to seem overeager."
Augustus Waters: "Right, that's why I said tomorrow. I want to see you again tonight. But I'm willing to wait all night and much of tomorrow. I'm serious."
Hazel Grace: "You don't even know me. How about I call you when I finish this?"
Augustus Waters: "But you don't even have my phone number."
Hazel Grace: "I strongly suspect you wrote it in this book."
Augustus Waters: "And you say we don't know each other."
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
breadmaakesyoufat: dontyoulovemebaby: breadmaakesyoufat: GUYS ITS 2:AM AND I FORGOT WHAT OATMEAL MEANT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS AN EMOTION AND I SAID OUTLOUD “IM FEELING VERY OATMEAL” BUT IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE, SO I LOOKED UP OATMEAL, BUT I SPENT 20 MINUETS CONTEMPLATING IF IT ACTUALLY WAS AN EMOTION AND IF GOOGLE WAS LYING this text post is so oatmeal i hate you
genderikari: siliconedrops: genderikari: real women have curves, running all the way from their gills to their tail fins. real women have sharp teeth. real women are sharks. I stopped reading at “real women” you should have kept reading
robert-downey-jesus: I SERVED A KID DRESSED AS IRON MAN TODAY AND I ASKED HIM WHAT HIS NAME WAS AND HE SAID IT WAS TONY AND HIS MUM SHOOK HER HEAD AND WAS LIKE NO HIS NAME IS JESSE AND I LOOKED BACK AT THE KID TO GIVE HIM HIS CHANGE AND SAID ‘HAVE A NICE DAY MR STARK’ AND HE GOT SO EXCITED AND RAN OFF WITH HIS SISTER IT WAS GREAT
involvingmeinvolvingyou: If you wanna be my lover You’ve gotta throw huge parties to get my attention and get your neighbor to invite me over for tea then let me run over my husband’s mistress in your car
spadesslick: pimposaur: reasons not to kill yourself chicken tender the billionth number of pi is 9 it’s not gay if it’s on the moon sponges feel cool highdeas.com joe biden the letter Q dirt Some of these are legitimately calming.